The Ex Test. It’s a little test (no need for #2 pencils) that I’ve come up with over the years and shared with friends who’ve announced they were ready to date again after a painful break up. It’s a simple yet powerful 4-question test that helps determine if you’re truly ready to move on, or if your on your way to meeting your future ex-boyfriend.
1. Bash, Bash, Bash: Do you continue to bash your ex? Call them nasty names or completely trash their core personality traits? If you do, you’ll come across as someone who talks about people like that in general. Its a real turn-off. Moreover, a new date will question if you’ll talk about them like that.
2. It Takes Two: Do you take responsibility for your role in the relationship? No, this does not mean whatever your ex did was right, it means that you played a role in the relationship and perhaps a part in it’s demise. Few people own up to their own behavior. Blaming your ex and not noting your actions makes you come across as “the victim”. Could you have done something to work through this together? Or maybe it never was a good match and recognizing this is a good thing.
3. The Pendulum: Past relationships are excellent lessons that help us analyze and determine what we want or don’t want in our next relationship. While its a good idea not to repeat getting involved with someone that turned you off – like dating an alcoholic or compulsive liar, don’t compare everything your new date does to your ex. This isn’t fair to them or yourself. We all compromise to be with each other and you don’t want to assume to know everything about this new person based on the personality of your ex.
4. Are you over your Ex? Do you continue to rehash what happened? Do you find yourself talking about your ex a lot? Does talking about him make you mad? If so, let’s face it – you’re not ready to date. For what it’s worth, if all you do is talk about your ex, your future dates will see that you’re not over your last relationship, and that your not ready to welcome someone new into your life. Give yourself the time you need to once again find your inner balance so when you start dating you’ll be your fabulous self and completely irresistible.
